Typical Traits of Co-Dependents
Codependence is described as a disease that originates in
dysfunctional families where children learn to overcompensate for their parents' disorders and develop an excessive sensitivity to others' needs. The term "dysfunctional family" originally referred only to families with patterns of interaction associated with alcoholism. It is now, however, recognized as a disease occurring in family systems based on "denial" or "shame-based rules." This includes a wide-spectrum of pathological emotional interactions in families, but there is always an avoidance of confrontation and inability to resolve conflict. This is sometimes described in terms like "enmeshment" or "blurred ego boundaries." Adult children of dysfunctional families often suffer from a sense of confusion and deprivation that has continued into their adult life — a feeling of "not knowing what normal is" — that has become an anguished desire to recover something emotionally missing in their upbringing. WIKIPEDIA
- Assume responsibility for other's feelings and/or behaviors.
- Have difficulty in identifying feeling -- Am I angry? Lonely? Sad? Happy? Joyful?
- Tend to fear and/or worry how others may respond to their feelings.
- Have difficulty in forming and/or maintaining close relationships.
- Afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others.
- Perfectionist and place too many expectations on themselves and others.
- Have difficulty making decisions.
- Tend to minimize, alter or even deny the truth about how they feel.
- Other people's actions and attitudes tend to determine how they respond/react.
- Tend to put other peoples' wants and needs first.
- Fear of others' feelings (anger) determines what they say and do.
- Question or ignore their own values to connect with significant others. They value others opinions more than their own.
- Self-esteem is bolstered by outer-other influences. Cannot acknowledge good things about themselves.
- Serenity and mental attention is determined by how others are feeling and/or behaving.
- Tend to judge everything they do, think, or say harshly, by someone else's standards.
- Do not kow or believer that being vulnerable and adking for help is both okay and normal.
- Do not know that it is okay to talk about problems outside the family; or that feelings just are --and it is better to share them than to deny, minimize or justify them.
- Tend to put others people's wants and needs before their own.
- Steadfastly loyal - even when the loyalty is unjustified - and often personally harmful.
- Have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
The Good News is that there is restoration and complete recovery - true healing through a Personal Journey with Jesus Christ. The answer is closer than you think and simpler than you have been led to believe.